you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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