if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
