He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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