I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Never joke about your clitoris.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
