so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My dad just said "fuck circus"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
