I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
