Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
