"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
