he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
