I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
