i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
