Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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