based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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