You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I still have a little drunk in my system
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
