just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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