Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
