I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
