I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
