he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize