In the future we'll all be gay
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
