Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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