Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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