everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
