i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
