you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
