He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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