idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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