are you still at the devil's house?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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