dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
