I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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