I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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