omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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