discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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