I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
