her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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