It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
