Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
