all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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