my mouth tastes like poor choices
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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