And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
