Well apparently he's into motor boating.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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