Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
