Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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