i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
