woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
