Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
