I cannot find my penis.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We have so much sex to catch up on
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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