if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
