I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
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