we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
