Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
