You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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