i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize