I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
just tell him i said nine months
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
