genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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