like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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