My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
