just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
