I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She bit a glass in half.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
