This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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