Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
