So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
