There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He better not be in your backpack
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
