i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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