oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
