he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
