Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
