I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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