god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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