i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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